went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
