Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
