3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
