You really coming over, don't trick.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
