gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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