my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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