cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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