margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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