she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
