Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
