I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He passed out mid-signature
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
