weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
