He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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