drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
