apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
