I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
