So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
