lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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