So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
