just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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