I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How's work?
Spinning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
