i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
