Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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