I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
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God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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