she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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