i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
