Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
