you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
