I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
