i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
