With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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