I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
