i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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