There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
