have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
