This girl is more easily done than said...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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