For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
