actually, I'm a sock model
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
