yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
