I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
