oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
