I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
