He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
