I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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