Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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