Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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