dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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