If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
