"it" just moved
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
