Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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