Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
