no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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