Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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