She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
