you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
