It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
