I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
