i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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