nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
