escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
