i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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