What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
