none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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