I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
