Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
