I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
