He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
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