Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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