I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
