So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
