What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Even my vagina gasped.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
