garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
